Time’s Up. Next?

Conversation from the not-too-distant future:

Hello.

Hello.

Thanks for taking time to meet with me.

Sure. Get on with it.

Excuse me?

Sorry. I just really don’t have time for this.

You don’t even know what I asked to meet with you about.

I know, sorry. Can we just get on with it?

What’s wrong with you?

Nothing. Really. Just, what’s on your mind?

Look, I just want to ask—

I’m sorry, your time is up.

Excuse me?

Forgive me, but I don’t have any more time for you.

What are you, crazy? You’re a Town official!

I’m sorry, but this is all the time I have.

What?

Sorry, but I’m term-limited. My time is almost up.

That’s preposterous.

Preposterous? No. It’s the law. It’s Ipswich law. The voters of Ipswich decided in favor of term limits. Phil Goguen proposed it, and they approved it.

Well, maybe so, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have a conversation with me about—

Excuse me, I’m sorry, we’re done.

What?

I have to get to the audit.

Huh?

Yes, the audit.

What audit?

The Article 24 audit. They used to just be annual, but Phil Goguen proposed that more frequent looks at the books would alert officials sooner if anything odd was going on.

What?

Audits. Every 90 days now. Good-bye.

Odd? What do you mean, odd? Is anything odd going on?

I’m sorry, I don’t have time to answer this question.

What are you, crazy?

No, I’m just a term-limited quarterly-audited Town official. Next!

Excuse me, I’m not finished.

Sorry. You are. Because I am.

Wait. Didn’t Town Finance Director Sarah Johnson say that she, and Treasurer Kevin Merz, and Town accountant Stephanie Fronteira, all review every single cash transaction? Didn’t Sarah tell you, “Everything is balanced to the penny monthly”? Didn’t she specifically say, “That’s why we can close the books so quickly at the end of the year”? Didn’t FinCom member Michael Schaaf confirm that all our audits have been clean — and that quarterly audits would consume 12 weeks a yearthat should be allotted to other important tasks? I think I remember FinCom member Chris Doucette describing Ipswich finances as “possibly the tightest possible ship I’ve seen.”

Sorry, but I gotta get outa here.

Pardon me?

My term is up. New law. I may be brilliant, but three terms max, then I have to sit out two election cycles before I run again. So, g’bye.

But I need help now!

Sorry. Term limits. I’m done. Come back tomorrow.

But who can help me tomorrow, after you’re gone?

Sorry, I don’t know. Whoever they elect next.

But Town government can be complicated. Will they know how to help me?

Who knows? Sorry. Hasta la vista, baby.

I don’t speak Spanish. What does that mean?

It means, loosely translated, term limits suck the knowledge baseout of your Town, baby. Anyone with serious experience is gone, baby. You turn your Town over to amateurs, baby. Think America under the great leadership of Millard Fillmore, baby. Or Chester Arthur. Or — for more recent examples — fill in the blank.

Wait. I think this could be a good thing. I remember Phil Goguen saying, “Fresh eyes, fresh ears, and fresh ideas are very, very important, and that’s what this will do.”

Yes. And a middle-schooler will give you brilliant ideas about marriage. Term limits. Quarterly audits. Buena suerte.

What does that mean?

Good luck.

 

 

Doug Brendel, who is not term-limited as a writer, and who therefore has an unfair advantage in this debate, lives on outer Linebrook Road. Follow him by clicking “Follow” — and thereafter debating with him personally.