I’ll Take Women for Ten, Alex

Standard

(Here’s your BALLOT. Vote today!)

Which woman should appear on the new $10 bill?

Clearly it should be someone from Ipswich. It should also be one of my friends.

With a few well placed political contributions, I’ve managed to get my recommendations moved to the top of the Treasury Department’s list.

The most obvious choice is Town Manager Robin Crosbie. She’s whip-smart, with a reputation for fairness even in tough situations. You get a very clear sense of her no-nonsense approach to town government when you confer with her on an official matter: She has a penetrating gaze and a firmly set mouth, like George Washington, but with darker hair. Of course, George only made the $1 bill. I think Robin is worth the $10.

Another great choice would be the indomitable “Ipswich Watchdog” KelleyJane Kloub. She’s the perennial goad, frequently featured in the “citizen’s query” segment of ICAM’s Board of Selectmen show (Mondays at 7), who famously pushed the town to spend $50,000 on an audit of the schools in hopes of cutting the budget and keeping taxes down. But the auditors found no glaring waste, and instead actually suggested additional spending. To make up the difference, the KelleyJane $10 bill will be worth $11.

A Shirley Berry $10 bill would be very cool, and totally appropriate. Shirley has a long and glorious history with Ipswich — by her own admission, she has waited tables in just about every eating establishment in town — and she served with devotion as a selectman until she took a nasty tumble down a set of stairs, reportedly without the help of any political opponent. The accident left her with medical issues that ultimately forced her retirement; in the meantime, at Town Meetings, she was forced her to wear sunglasses under the glare of the stage lights. Is it sexist of me to feel that having a woman in sunglasses on the $10 bill would be absolutely awesome?

My personal favorite female face for the $10 bill is the Chicken Lady, Deb Clapp. In a relentless yet cheery 18-month campaign of squawking, flapping, and scratching, she almost singlehandedly (or singlewingedly) drove the Town of Ipswich to reform and simplify its convoluted fowl regulations. Since scoring that resounding victory, she has pursued a new career as a producer and purveyor of artisan-style honey-wine, from headquarters at the 1634 Meadery on Short Street. It would be good for the $10 bill to feature a woman who can bend government to her will and then serve up drinks to celebrate.

For sheer cuteness, we should choose Senior Collections Clerk Ann Wright. As you enter Town Hall, she’s the one you see behind the glass window. She sells you your Crane Beach parking sticker. She also graciously allows her desk to double as an information station even though it isn’t. In this way, by sheer coincidence of where she sits, Ann learns just about everything that’s going on in town. Which would give her formidable and possibly dangerous influence, if she had a conniving spirit; however, she seems to be a model of perpetual niceness. She would be a dark horse, certainly, for the $10 bill, but if she doesn’t make it there, I think we should put her on the beach sticker.

So many women, so little currency. Vote for your favorite potential $10 female-face-of-Ipswich here now. It’s free, and mercifully anonymous.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “I’ll Take Women for Ten, Alex

  1. Oh Dougie!!! You disappoint me!!!! While I maybe should feel honored to be in the running for the $10 bill photo op, I have to argue that rising from a mere “waitress” to the esteemed position of Selectwoman….AND after enduring the incredibly savage “ANONYMOUS” attacks in the form of letters to all in Town Hall and beyond by two of my “FELLOW” Americans I should at the very least be considered for the TWENTY…..or possibly ‘C’ Note? But thank you for even considering me … Lesser people would not💗.. Love You💗

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s